I’m writing from the beautiful Great Barrington, CT region. It has been a delicious few days celebrating the union of very special friends of mine. Being surrounded by family and long time as well as new friends, big open hearts, love oozing from all directions has filled my heart into overflow of abundance and connection. The lush earth and being in nature has truly soothed my soul and elevated my spirit.
I left Chicago last Thursday with a heavy heart as a budding friendship that I thought was a true heart connection, disintegrated abruptly and with jagged edges that left me feeling sad, mad, angry, confused, and shocked. While I know that all things happen for a reason, and I had already had premonitions about this happening, and why…knowing doesn’t take away the feelings.
If I hadn’t been doing the deep level of surrender and receiving work that I have dedicated myself to in the last two years…I would have spun right into the victim/perpetrator/rescuer model that is all too familiar in unhealthy friendships and intimate relations.
Many of us operate from very old patterns and programs of blame, and wanting to make others responsible for how we feel, instead of learning to express our needs, wants and desires. We think others’ should just know what we need…and many of us live on the false pretense that our partners and close friends should know our needs and desires without expressing ourselves.
While it is very delicious to have connections that are synergistic and intuitively guided…it is actually quite necessary for each of us to take self-responsibility for communicating our needs and wants, as well as to communicate clearly when we are offended, hurt, or perhaps feeling not seen, not felt, and not supported.
To actually tap into ourselves and do this effectively requires a tremendous amount of self-awareness, as well as courage. If you are anything like me, I didn’t grow up in a household where expressing my anger, upset or unsettled moments was acceptable. So I learned to withhold my feelings like an expert. It has taken me many years of internal work and unwinding to even know what I am feeling when I am feeling it! Whew!
Learning to actually express what I need, to articulate my desires, or areas that feel incongruent or out of whack in my connections with others has been its own process of self discovery and mostly, practice…practice…practice….
What I have learned is that it really comes down to our own self-worth. This is deep second chakra level stuff, and is often packed underneath a lot of shame, fear, and a tremendous amount of unexpressed anger (the emotions of the first three chakras).
Resentment is bred from the lack of true and authentic expression of our needs, feelings, and desires. When we withhold ourselves we put our happiness into the hands of circumstances beyond our control. Sometimes we can even do this as a way of feeling in control, somewhat of a revenge strategy to ‘get back at them’ by withholding ourselves (ie. our presence, our attention, or energy, our expression). We are often left to feel victimized by other people’s actions and the meaning that we derive from what they did or didn’t do, which of course is disheartening. It’s a never-ending cycle of pain, hurt and betrayal.
Knowing the depth of our own worth, requires us to excavate all of this ‘stuff’ that has been repressed and held back within us for many years, often decades, and perhaps our whole life. Old resentments, fears, anger, un-dealt with emotions live in our physiology.
We can clear these heavy burdens and reconnect ourselves back into our feeling bodies with diligent attention and intention. This practice can re-connect us back into our own feelings, our emotional body, a place that perhaps we have never had a chance to fully experience or feel before.[Today’s Tune-in to You Tuesday video can help us tap into very old emotional garbage dealing with our own worth!](http://gurunischan.com/staticelectricity/)
It’s not an easy practice, but it surely will create internal excavation in less than 5 minutes that will bring forth a lifetime of healing.